People ask us this all the time. How did you choose who would carry the baby? Well for us it was pretty simple. We both have always wanted children, but Audrey never had a desire to be pregnant. Whereas I always imagined growing a baby and breastfeeding. Having done it once already, I can’t wait to do it again. This isn’t to say it wasn’t hard. I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, which made it all the more difficult. But even with all of the complications, I absolutely loved being pregnant.
The next issue to consider was work and which one of us could afford to take time off. For us, Audrey has been the main ‘breadwinner’ so to speak, over the last couple of years. This means it wouldn’t make financial sense for her to get pregnant over me.
Age and health are also things to consider when deciding which partner will donate the eggs and which one will carry the pregnancy. Egg quality usually deteriorates in the mid to late 30’s and so it could make sense for the younger partner to donate the eggs. However it can also be easier to carry a pregnancy if you are younger and/or in better health. Sometimes medical conditions can affect the decision too.
It’s important to discuss it between yourselves first and decide what would be your ideal scenario.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you are both happy and comfortable with what you decide. Hopefully your first choice can work, but luckily when you have two wombs between you, there can be a plan B. Lots of couples decide that one will carry the first baby and then they will swap roles for the second pregnancy. And others like us, do the same thing for each baby.
Having carried Ava, some people ask me- ‘But do you not want a baby that is genetically yours?’ And the simple answer is no. There isn’t even a small part of me that doesn’t know that I am Avas’ Mama. She is our daughter. We chose her. We made her together as a team… and whether she has my genes or not is irrelevant.
Like I always say, there is no ‘right way’ to make your family. Look at all of your options and figure out what works for you.
Any questions, pop a comment below.